Casino Commandments, part deux!

When we last left Bea's Blog-vomit, I was offering suggestions on how to make the world a kinder, gentler place through one's casino patronage. Due to the excretory requirements of my beloved Beagle, It was necessary to pause my 'casino manifesto' and continue for another day.

To assuage your breathless anticipation of the other 5, I now complete these commandments.

5.) Thou shalt Not beg for money.
- If you've never seen this particular transgression in action, consider yourself lucky. I have been witness to several instances of friends, casino/table neighbors getting accosted by random strangers who notice a number of credits, chips, tokens in front of a player, and, apparently having frittered away their own bankroll, assume the kindness of strangers boils over into them wanting to help you along on your quest to break the house, $10 at a time. Aside from how pathetic it makes one look, it's apparently out of your comprehension that luck is clearly not on your side that trip, and loosing all one's cash is nature's way of saying 'It's time for Night Night.' Going up and asking a complete stranger if they can 'loan' you some scratch from their pile is mind-boggling in it's tactless stupidity. (which I personally love, as if the beggee will EVER return the Lent amount to this generous stranger should their fortunes miraculously change.)

4.) Tho Shalt Not relate one's life story from DNA up until that moment to one's casino neighbor.
- Idle chitchat during play. Of course! Light High fiving during a particularly nice hit. Absolutely! Relaying how you have to win since you wrote a bad check to get into the casino to get enough to pay your car insurance and you will otherwise have to borrow money from your boyfriend who works three jobs and boy is the gas to drive here expensive and I have a dentists appointment this week because my gums bleed and my dog is going to have puppies in a few weeks do you want one...I doubt I know that much about my own mother. What I learned about you in the past 10 minutes of constant yammering? You are clearly one of the reasons for the 'credit crisis' now descending on our country; breaking the law by writing bad checks is within your 'felonies I can comfortably commit' range; Your halitosis is explained; Am I allergic to dogs, or do I use them in ritualistic luck ceremonies...doesn't matter, apparently. These things I already know of you, yet what the hell is my name? Oh...can't tell me. THANK GOD! You clearly need more than luck to help your life along, and more importantly, No one you unfortunately sit next to ever wants to now, either.

3.) Tho Shalt Not shout ever freakin win to your pals within earshot!
- 'YAY! I just won $2 Cindy!'
5 seconds....'
- 'Cindy, I just got a quarter!'
5 seconds
- 'Cindy, I just got a free spin!'
5 seconds
-'Cindy, some woman just smacked me upside the head with her purse.'
For the love of all that's good and holy...few others outside yourself give two shits what small increments are leading to your fortune. And, if constant communication with Cindy, your spouse, your mother, et all, is that critical, find a freaking machine that's next to them. Unless in cementing your relationship with Cindy, you also intend to create additional enemies along the way.

2.) Thou Shalt Not announce your neighbors wins to the world.
- There are a particularly classless group of folks who insist on paying more attention to what your winning than what they are doing. 'Dang! That was a $50 dollar black jack you got.' 'Ohhh...you just won $97 on that spin.' Well thank you, idiot. Not only have you stated the completely obvious, you are also giving anyone who wants to bop me on the head when I hit the parking lot and take my winnings a total of what their 'grand prize' might be. Did I ask you to play 'banker' for me? Did I ask you waste Oxygen on my behalf? If these answers are both no, pipe down, skippy!

1.) Thou Shalt Not repeat ones bad beat stories at the table.
- Any poker player knows this particular, unforgivable sin. You just got your AA sucked out by some dumbass who called your all in hoping for a runner, runner flush on his J3 suited, and while you are using every fiber of your being to not jump across the table to choke the living shit out of him or her, other players feel particularly inclined to throw in their own bad beat stories. This might be shocking to some, but I guarantee that not one person you are playing against gives a damn about your A high flush getting cracked by a miracle three's full of two's boat. The level of interest in a ridiculous gut shot straight chase hitting and destroying your set of aces is nil. Away from the poker table, these are great stories to enjoy a few beers and commiseration over. At the poker table, shut the hell up. Not one person sitting there hasn't experienced a bad beat themselves and have NO sympathy for you, and, frankly, all they are hoping for is to do this again to you. It's almost like you are a Guantanamo detainee saying 'Please do not water board me, cause boy, I was water boarded once and I really hate it.', while this guy is most likely just drying off after just getting off the board, or just has, recently. A Bad Beat story doesn't make you more special, better/faster/stronger. It only means you have an over-glorified image of yourself as a titan among the other warriors, when in reality, you are just a douche bag who can't let go.

Kiss Kiss!